Author: Derin Chisel

  • Journey to Self

    At some point along the way, you realize this was never about anything outside of you. It was always about coming back to yourself.

    You start to see that the guidance, the signs, the dreams, the intuition… it was all coming from you. And you wonder how you spent so long thinking your life was being controlled by something external. Conditioning, probably.

    The world we grow up in doesn’t exactly encourage you to see that you’re the one creating your life. But at some point, it clicks: your choices shape everything. Your lessons, your future, your karma.

    I realized I’d been stuck in something I created for myself – a kind of loop designed to teach me one thing: how to let go. And letting go has never come easily to me. Not even as a kid.

    So I made choices, consciously or not, that kept bringing me back to that lesson.

    The last one was the hardest. Like I hadn’t fully learned it before.

    There was someone who became a turning point for me. Not because he taught me anything directly, but because meeting him changed everything. My old life, the version of me I used to be, it all just… fell away.

    At the time, it felt like I was losing myself. I grieved that version of me so deeply. But my mom said something that shifted how I saw it: not death – purification. That word stayed with me. It felt more honest. Like I was clearing something out so I could start again.

    It hasn’t been easy. Some days I still struggle. Some days I crave comfort, or want to run. But I’ve realized I wasn’t running from anything external, I was running from myself. And you can’t outrun that, no matter where you go or who you’re with.

    I’ve also had to face the fact that some of the things I went through were harder than they needed to be. Not by accident, but because I didn’t love or choose myself the way I should have. That realization hurts.

    And then there’s this other side of me that woke up with so much fire. Anger, even. Like something inside me finally refused to be controlled anymore. The part of me that was told to be quiet, to behave – that part burned away. And all I wanted was freedom.

    So I left. I walked away from the biggest lesson of my life.

    It was beautiful, and it was brutal. And it wasn’t easy, nothing about it was. I think part of me believed that if I avoided it enough, everything would finally feel lighter. Easier. But that’s not really how it works.

    What I was actually doing was giving myself space to rebuild. To let my nervous system catch up. To become strong enough not to break in the same ways again.

    And now… it feels like I’m starting over. Not completely from scratch, but close enough. A clean slate, in a way.

    This time, I’m choosing myself.

    I’m learning how to give myself the love I used to pour into everyone else. The kind of love that feels big, expansive, like it could reach the stars. But it has to start with me.

    And that’s going to be its own challenge.

    I’m someone who naturally takes care of others first. So learning to take care of myself, to set boundaries, to stop overgiving… that doesn’t come naturally. Some people are born knowing how to do that.

    Some of us have to learn it the hard way.

  • Stop Searching for Love Outside: You are Love

    One of the softest, most life-altering realizations is this: At some point… you stop looking for love. Because you realize… you are it.

    Like a quiet knowing that settles into your bones. You are love. You are light. You are peace. You are that calm you kept searching for in people, places, moments.

    And it’s almost funny, in a gentle, cosmic way… how long you might have spent looking for it outside of yourself. In connections. In cities. In timing. In “maybe this time it will feel right.”

    Until one day it just… clicks. What you were searching for was never out there. It was always moving within you, waiting for you to slow down enough to feel it.

    And then the realization deepens. Not only do you have love within you, you are the source of it.

    Like this quiet, glowing field… a soft, radiant bubble of light that doesn’t need anything to exist. It just is. And naturally, it expands. It spills. It reaches.

    It turns into warmth, into presence, into something others can feel without you even trying.

    From there, love stops being something you chase or earn, or run from. It becomes something you are, and therefore something you share. Effortlessly.

    It becomes safe to feel your heart again. Safe to open. Safe to soften. Safe to dream without holding back. Safe to imagine. Safe to share. 

    You start remembering that you’re allowed to be joyful.  

    To dance. To sing. To exist in this lightness without questioning it. Joy returns. Happiness is felt like a little warm bubble dancing in your heart. 

    And somewhere along the way, you realize… You were never missing anything.

    You are made of both sun and moon. Fire and softness. Expansion and stillness. A quiet union of everything you once thought was separate. You are a star born out of perfect harmony. You are the cosmic love story you’re looking for.

    We are one. Unity. Connected. Life is an opportunity, and life is beautiful. 

    And yes, you are strong enough to hold all of it.

    So gently… let it. Let the love move. Let the light expand.   Let the calm settle where it always belonged. Let yourself fly to the stars. Into cosmic expansion. 

    Peace was never something to find. It was always something to return to.

  • Consciousness Has Levels. Most People Never Leave Their Floor

    Imagine this:

    You live on the 3rd floor of a slightly chaotic apartment building. Below you? Questionable shop. Loud offices. Energy that feels like someone is always arguing about invoices. Fear runs the shop. Dark.

    Your floor? Noisy neighbors. Doors slamming, TVs blasting, someone always emotionally spiraling at 2am. Peaceful? Not exactly.

    Now… You discover there are more floors.

    On the 4th floor, people are calm. They meditate. They journal. They casually discuss their dreams over tea like it’s normal behavior.

    5th floor? Full-on soft hippie energy. Everyone’s kind, emotionally available, probably hugging trees and each other. You feel oddly safe there. Connection runs the show.

    6th and 7th? Penthouse vibes. Minimal, pastel colors, soft lights, quiet people who don’t say much, but when they do, it’s exactly what you needed to hear. Annoying, but impressive.

    8th floor gets… interesting. Dark walls, cool decor, very little noise. Feels like time doesn’t exist there. People are calm, logical, not overly emotional. It’s giving astronaut energy. Floating, but grounded. Peace, but make it intellectual. They just know things up there. No need for Google.

    9th floor? Cosmic. Galaxy vibes. Slightly rebellious. These people do not believe in authority, but somehow feel deeply connected to everything. It’s empathetic with boundaries. It’s healing. You don’t question it.

    10th floor is bright. White, gold, silver. Feels like identity matters less up there. It’s less “who am I” and more “what am I here to create?”

    11th floor? Angelic. Light-filled. People there feel like they’re on a mission to bring something good into the world. You automatically lower your voice when you walk in.

    12th floor… penthouse of all penthouses. Everything and nothing at the same time. Unity. Silence. No questions, just… being.

    And then there’s you. Back on the 3rd floor. But here’s the thing: you’ve been upstairs.

    You’ve visited. You’ve seen how it feels. You’ve borrowed a bit of that calm, that clarity, that knowing. You feel the love, the peace.

    Your loud mind is on the 3rd floor. You don’t hear it, just like you can’t hear your loud neighbors when you’re hanging out upstairs.

    So when you come back down, yes, your neighbors are still loud. The chaos is still there. But it doesn’t hit the same. Because now you know there’s more than this.

    And more importantly: you know how it feels. You know how to calm the mind. Because you know how it is when you can’t hear your mind screaming from few floors down. You know silence is more than okay.

    That’s the whole point of this building. You’re not trying to escape your floor. You’re learning how to live there differently. You go upstairs, you learn, you feel it… and then you bring it back down with you.

    That’s integration. Because no one hands you a permanent key to the 10th floor and says “congrats, you live here now.” You earn it by embodying it.

    And that takes practice. We’re here to master energy, not run away from it.

    To feel emotions, but not let them run the entire show.  

    To notice patterns, and choose differently.  

    To outgrow the stories we inherited, the fears we picked up, the limits we were taught.

    At some point, you realize… you actually have more control than you were led to believe.

    Your past? It happened. But it doesn’t get to define the rest of the building.

    Ego softens. Old identities loosen. And what’s left is… you.

    Which sounds simple, until you try sitting alone in a quiet room with no distractions and realize, oh. This is a relationship too.

    Being with yourself, fully, without needing to escape, that’s a skill. I learned that the long way.

    I started dating myself. Actually dating. Taking myself out, spending quality time, making my space feel safe, warm, like somewhere I wanted to be. I turned my apartment into a place my nervous system could relax in. And slowly, something shifted.

    When my energy stopped chasing things outside of me, something inside me stopped running too. That inner push-pull? It calmed down. Inner union. Balance. Stability, consistency, healthy communication, calmness, peace and zen. Zero avoidance, zero chasing. All the things you want in a healthy relationship, right? Now you have it with yourself.

    That’s when I started understanding what people mean by “higher self.” It’s not some distant, mystical version of you floating in another dimension. It’s just… you, on a higher floor.

    And once you reach that floor: once you become that version, it’s not “higher” anymore. It’s just you.

    From there, guidance doesn’t feel external or dramatic. It’s not signs and chaos and decoding everything. It’s quiet. A knowing.

    And even your dreams change. Less messages. Less symbolism. More… your mind doing its natural thing. Processing, clearing, organizing.

    Because at that point, you’re not constantly looking up for answers.

    You’ve already brought them down. And this is one of the things that once you see, you cannot unsee.

  • Staying in Our Bodies (a love story apparently)

    To be able to manifest abundance and actually attract aligned opportunities, we need to be able to stay in our bodies. Not halfway in, halfway out. I’m talking no dissociation, no energy body quietly slipping out the back door. Staying in. Centered.

    And this is something I’ve really had to learn.

    Because leaving my body? That’s been my thing since I was a kid. Getting lost in books, movies, music, dreams, questioning life and reality… It always looked cute from the outside, but it was self-protection. The world felt loud, busy, overstimulating, so I found exits.

    And I still catch myself doing it now. Metro rides. Chaotic streets. Loud trains. People gossiping right next to me like I’m not energetically involved (I am, unfortunately). It doesn’t take much for my system to go, yeah… we’re out.

    That’s when I clock it. I tune into my inner masculine energy; the part of me that grounds, stabilizes, brings me back into the present moment. Not dramatically, not in the middle of a crowded metro cause I need to leave that environment, but when I get out, when I have space. That energy pulls my floating self back in. Where I belong.

    And then I go home. My safe space. My little temple. Calm music, cozy lights, candles, plants, herbal tea… all the things that tell my nervous system: you’re safe now.

    Because that’s really what this is, a nervous system game.

    Warm lights and tea? Safe cave energy. Bright LEDs, noise, energies all day? Survival mode.

    We’ve evolved, but our bodies… not so much.

    And I see it everywhere. People running on edge, overstimulated, constantly exposed to other people’s energies, and whether you’re aware of it or not, your body registers all of it.

    Like yesterday on the bus. I didn’t listen to my intuition telling me to switch seats before the bus stopped (noted), and a man with a very questionable energy sat next to me. Instantly, my system went into threat mode.

    And instead of letting my mind perceive it as a threat, I worked on staying calm. Not labeling it as danger. Letting my body settle instead of feeding it fear.

    Same thing with my cycle. There’s a point where I feel anxious, tight in my chest, a bit on edge, and I used to think something bad is about to happen.  

    Now I know better. It’s a pattern. Hormones. My body doing its thing. And I also know I’m stronger than that wave. It doesn’t get to define my emotional state anymore.

    That shift alone? Life-changing.

    And then there’s my mind… Always preparing. Rehearsing conversations that haven’t happened. Writing texts in advance. Playing out scenarios like it’s a full production.

    All of that keeps me out of the present. So I gently pull it back.

    It’s okay not to be prepared for everything.  

    I’m present in the moment.  

    It’s safe to open my heart again.  

    It’s safe to be here. I’m here. I’m calm. I’m peace. I’m love.

    Not in a forced, robotic way. Just… reminders. Anchors. Because living in a city that doesn’t fully align with me means my nervous system is working overtime. Instead of pouring energy into creating the life I want, sometimes it’s just trying to keep me feeling safe.

    It feels like it’s working extra shifts with no overtime pay. That’s why resets matter. Leaving the city. Being in calmer places. Reconnecting. Even if it’s temporary.

    And on a daily basis, I’ve built a space that supports me. A home that feels like exhale. That’s the balance right now. And honestly… this whole journey? It’s not about escaping the body. It’s about mastering it.

    Staying, even when it’s uncomfortable. Calming the mind. Not letting every sensation turn into a story. Letting the soul lead: but from within the body, not somewhere above it.

    I’ve been asking for guidance on this, (hey my higher self), and I can feel it, the more I stay, the more I stabilize, the more I create from a grounded place.

    And baby… that’s where things actually start to move.

    Because creation was never meant to happen from somewhere else. It happens from right here.

    And now when I honor the part of me that leaves the body when it’s too much for her instead of judging her and perceiving it as failure, my inner child feels safe. She feels seen and understood. Not only my parents didn’t understand her (nor anyone who knew her), I think I didn’t understand her most of my life either. I’m here now. 

    A little tip: Even if you feel like you don’t have access to your higher self, you can still ask for guidance and help along the way, ask, and you shall receive, even when you don’t know where it’s coming from.

  • On Blooming

    Last night, right before falling asleep, I did something I occasionally do when I’m feeling a little curious about what the night might bring.

    I sort of… check in upstairs. Not in a dramatic ritual way. More like a quiet internal message before drifting off: “Alright, higher self. If you’ve got anything interesting tonight, I’m open. Cool visions welcome. Cozy dreams appreciated.”

    Usually when I do that, I end up somewhere new. A place I’ve never been in waking life but somehow recognize later when I actually go there. My dreams like to play travel agent sometimes. So naturally, I was expecting some kind of mysterious new landscape.

    Instead, I got… a massage therapist from another dimension. In the dream, this strange-looking man appeared. The kind of person who gives off the vibe that he knows things without asking questions.

    He walked right up to me and started working on my shoulders and neck. No small talk. Straight to business. And somehow he knew exactly where the pain was sitting.

    The moment his hands pressed into those spots, I could feel it leaving. Not just the physical tension, but the emotional stuff too: the old weight that somehow lives in the body long after the original moment has passed.

    It was so real I collapsed to my knees in the dream and started crying. Not sad crying. That kind of crying that happens when something heavy finally leaves your system and your body goes, “Oh… that’s what relief feels like.”

    I remember saying thank you over and over again while the pain drained out. Then I woke up.

    And the first thing I noticed was how light my body felt. Not magically healed, my heart still feels tender, and tight, but lighter. Like something important had shifted a few millimeters in the right direction.

    Which makes sense, because I’m currently in what I can only describe as a heart opening phase.

    The next couple of weeks are very clearly scheduled for hermit mode. Quiet processing. Emotional housekeeping. Letting things move through the system without rushing them.

    My dreams tend to work like that. First I see it there. Then I feel it there. Then eventually waking life catches up. Sometimes the translation is immediate. Sometimes it takes months. Occasionally years. My subconscious clearly operates on its own timeline.

    But something else happened this weekend that made me smile. I caught my reflection in the mirror and noticed my eyes looked… different. They looked like they did in 2024. Big. Soft. Sparkly. Open.

    For a while that version of me had disappeared. The walls around my heart went up for a reason. Self-protection. When you feel things deeply, sometimes the only way to survive certain seasons is to close the gates for a while.

    If I had opened everything all at once back then, I probably would have broken. So the system did what it needed to do. It processed things slowly. Carefully. One layer at a time.

    And now those walls are starting to come down again. That nurturing part of me, the one I actually loved the most about myself, is quietly coming back online.

    Not because I forced it. Because the timing is finally right.

    Another thing I’ve noticed lately is a strange sense of peace settling in about my roots.

    The places I’ve lived. The cultures that didn’t shape me, but had me find what I actually loved. The country where I spent eighteen years. The one where I spent nine and a half. The music, the food, the people, the little pieces of identity that come from growing up between worlds.

    Even two cultures I spent a good portion of my life actively disliking, those are softening now too, thanks to a dream that shifted my perspective in ways I didn’t expect.

    Healing has a funny way of expanding the heart in directions you once swore you’d never go. And it always takes time. Patience. Kind people around you, especially if you’ve been through enough alone. People who see you clearly and treat you with gentleness. People who understand your past without using it against you.

    When that kind of environment exists, something beautiful happens. You start blooming again.

    Not because you’re chasing something. Not because you’re trying to prove anything. Simply because you’re ready.

    And I suppose that’s the quiet truth underneath all of it: Before anything can bloom… the roots have to feel safe in the soil first.

  • Union Frequency

    There’s a very specific state your system can land in. The frequency of alignment. Like everything inside finally sitting in the right seat.

    You’re not chasing anything. You’re not running either. You’re just… there. Trusting yourself. Not gripping life. Not clinging to outcomes. Not trying to force anything open. Just moving with things as they move.

    Flow, basically. But the real kind, not the Instagram caption version.

    Heart open. Mind clear. Body grounded. All systems online. I call it the union frequency.

    You can actually feel where you are in your system if you pay attention to the colors that show up when your energy moves.

    Green signals heart. Blue, indigo, purple; upper centers. Awareness, intuition, perspective. Yellow, orange, red;  the lower centers. Grounding. Safety. Life force. Being human.

    When everything is open at the same time, the whole system starts humming like a rainbow. When you look at light, whether it’s the sun, candles, car headlights, or street lights… you see the colors of the rainbow, crystalized. It’s different than before. I’m talking colorful geometry unlocked when you close your eyes, babe. Light. Balanced. Alive. Not tilted too far into the sky, not stuck too deep in survival mode.

    That’s the frequency. Home frequency. And before anyone imagines a permanent state of glowing enlightenment: absolutely not.

    Life loves throwing small tests the moment you touch that sweet spot. You finally feel balanced and the life goes, “Great. Let’s see if she can keep it when something annoying happens.”

    Holding that frequency takes practice. Because before you stabilize there, the system usually goes through… a lot.

    Dark nights. Purges. Emotional detox. Energy moving through places that have been closed for years. Old memories leaving the body. Sometimes gently, sometimes like a spiritual housecleaning that forgot to warn you.

    Eventually, though, something shifts, and you start recognizing your own energetic weather.

    You know when you’re centered. You know when something knocks you out of alignment. And most importantly, you know how to come back. That part changes everything.

    On my own path, this frequency has been… central.

    Back in February I noticed something uncomfortable: certain interactions knocked me right out of it. Destabilized. Soul breaking. At first that felt like failure. Later I realized it was actually the most helpful part of the process.

    Because that destabilization did three things at once. It showed me exactly what my heart wanted. It removed the last doubts from my system. And it forced me to become stronger than I had ever been.

    Which brings me to the part I knew was coming, and when, I just didn’t know how: The heart opening phase. This is where the union frequency actually settles. Where it lives. And for that to happen, the heart has to be strong enough to stay open.

    Mine… had been closed for a while. Not intentionally. Just self-protection. There had been a lot of pain sitting there since 2024, quietly taking up space.

    So the system did what systems do. It processed it slowly. Layer by layer. If everything had opened at once, it would have destroyed me. And that was never the point.

    Little by little the pain started leaving. And something surprising replaced it. Love. A lot of it.

    Honestly more than I had allowed myself to admit existed in my system. Feeling my heart again after such a long time was… overwhelming. Not too painful anymore. Just very big. Very real.

    Turns out you need a stronger nervous system to hold that much love than you do to hold pain. No attachments. Because if I felt this love whilst being tied to outcomes… I’d be chasing things outside of myself again. I am strong enough in my power to simply stay. That was the real lesson.

    Strength isn’t about surviving darkness. It’s about being able to hold the light when it arrives. And my dear, you are light. Made of the sun and the moon. 

    Because the love sitting in that space feels ancient. Deep. Bigger than one lifetime’s worth of experiences. So yes, it’s still bringing tears. But I know my tears heal my system, and eventually others’.

    Partly because I know I’m processing more than just my own emotions. Some of us seem to carry a bit extra in the system. But maybe that’s the point. Becoming strong enough to hold yourself. And sometimes, quietly, to hold space for others too.

  • On the Night My Mind Tried to Start Drama (and I Politely Declined)

    Couple of nights ago, right before falling asleep, I had one of those small but suspiciously important realizations.

    Nothing dramatic happened. Just a small argument with my mom. The kind that normally would have ruined my mood for the rest of the evening. Energy dropped instantly, of course. Old familiar pattern showed up like an ex who still thinks he has house keys.

    And I could feel it waiting. You know the one. The reaction. The emotional spiral. The urge to replay the conversation while brushing your teeth like you’re preparing evidence for a court case that does not exist.

    But something felt… off about it. So I stopped for a second and thought: wait. This feels like a test for my mind.

    Not one of those big soul lessons where the universe flips your life upside down and you end up journaling about it for three weeks. No. This one felt smaller. Cleaner. Like someone quietly checking if my brain still runs the old operating system.

    Basically: Will she react like she used to? Or will she just… not?

    The moment I noticed it, the whole thing collapsed. Energy came right back. Calm again. That peaceful frequency I’ve grown quite protective of lately.

    Which made me think about something. People always say we’re here to learn our soul lessons. But honestly? From what I’ve seen so far, most of the lessons are not soul-coded at all. They’re human-coded.

    Souls already know things. Souls trust things. Souls remember things. The mind, however, has a full-time job turning simple truths into complicated emotional documentaries.

    My journey, if I’m being honest, hasn’t really been about “finding my soul.”  

    She was never lost. It’s been about getting out of my own head enough so she could finally drive the car. And that took a while.

    Because when your soul remembers things your logical brain finds… questionable… the mind puts up a fight. A very loud one. My skeptical side needed proof. Evidence. Patterns repeating enough times that eventually the brain sighed and went, “Fine. I guess we live here now.”

    Little by little the ego dissolved. Sometimes dramatically. Sometimes like fog disappearing when the sun comes up.

    And the strange part about living in this world is that the more you see, the more you remember… and the more you understand why forgetting was probably necessary in the first place.

    Holding that awareness is not always light work. The trick, I think, is learning how to hold it without collapsing under it. Patterns still appear. Life loves recycling material. Same triggers, different costumes.

    But lately I’ve noticed something new. I can hold it. Even when something knocks me slightly off center, I don’t fall all the way out anymore. I come back. Quicker than before.

    And last night, realizing that shift… actually surprised me a little. So much growth happens quietly while you’re busy living your life. Then one random Thursday night your mind suddenly catches up and goes,

    “Oh. We’re not that person anymore.”

    And that’s when it clicks. Life will always throw little tests your way. Tiny invitations to fall back into old reactions. The real work is simple.

    Stay calm. Stay aware. Come back to yourself. Hold the frequency. That’s where things start getting interesting.

  • Logging Back Into Yourself

    For nearly two weeks I felt… offline. Disconnected. Like when your Wi-Fi is technically connected but nothing is loading properly. Pages spin. Tabs freeze. Your system works, but something in the background just isn’t syncing. So naturally, I did what many of us do when we feel disconnected: I tried really hard to reconnect.

    Which, ironically, is how I realized something important. Just because I no longer think myself knots doesn’t mean I’m not still capable of living in my head.

    Apparently, my brain had quietly reopened a few tabs without informing me. So yesterday, in a heroic attempt to reconnect with my soul, I threw a tiny party at home. Party lights on. Headphones on. Solo dance floor activated, with the type of techno I love, not whatever they were playing at that rave last weekend.

    And for a while… the pressure was on too. You know that feeling when you’re trying to relax, which immediately makes relaxing impossible? Exactly.

    Then, on a whim, I started cleaning the house. Took the trash out. Wiped things down. Did the dishes. Did completely unspiritual, deeply glamorous household tasks. And that’s when something funny happened.

    Because my brain was busy with a task, the music quietly hijacked my body. My hips started moving before my mind had time to analyze the situation. Somewhere between cleaning and dancing, I stopped trying. And just like that… I was out of my head.

    Spark: back online. Mood: suddenly upgraded to “I feel like somebody’s watching me” – but in the good way. Like the universe had tuned back into my frequency and said, “Ah yes, there she is.” And I was back. Just like that.

    I ended up dancing for most of the evening. At some point I was moving my hips – yes, sensually, freely. Which might sound like a small thing, but for someone who spent years disconnected from that part of herself, thanks to the glamorous experience of being an overly sexualized teenager (and some other things), those moments are actually a pretty big milestones for me. 

    Turns out reclaiming your own body can look a lot like dancing alone in your living room under questionable disco lighting. Who knew healing would come with such a soundtrack.

    I had that strange feeling of being in two places at once most of the night after I connected to myself. Except this time, for the first time, my brain didn’t immediately jump in with its usual investigative journalism. No analysis. No “what does this mean.” No spiritual detective work. I just… enjoyed it.

    Made a few new memories out of the experience, even if they were slightly surreal. Crazy? Maybe. Fun? Definitely.

    Later in the evening when the dance part was winding down, I processed some old emotional residue from last year – the kind that wasn’t even fully mine to begin with. And honestly, it felt good to let it go. Like clearing files from a system that had been running too many background programs.

    When the main event went offline, I sensed others in my field. The ones I had set aside two weeks ago because it had felt too much. Turns out my mind was having a difficult time. It’s actually pretty enjoyable when you manage to stay sovereign in all of this.

    And the biggest lesson of the night was surprisingly simple: Letting yourself go is not a one-time achievement. It’s a practice.

    Sometimes you drift back into your head. Sometimes life pulls you into overthinking, stress, or survival mode. That doesn’t mean you’ve lost your connection.

    It just means you have to find your way back again. Preferably with good music and a trash bag in hand. Consistency, it turns out, is key: even when it comes to remembering how to be free.

  • When Your New Frequency Does Not Match Your Old Preferences Anymore

    I recently found myself at a mountain rave in Switzerland. Not because I had carefully planned it, no. Life simply opened a little side quest, handed me a free ticket, and said, “Go touch grass. Or in this case, alpine snow.”

    Ironically, I had actually wanted to go there two years ago. Back when I was… let’s say… a slightly different version of myself. A more chaos-tolerant edition.

    This year the opportunity appeared and I said yes, partly for the atmosphere, partly for fun, but mostly because I wanted to be close to Eiger, Mönch, and Jungfrau. The holy trinity of mountains that once made me cry on a plane like someone had just played the emotional climax of a movie inside my chest. Even when I see them from Bern on a clear day? Tears. Immediate.

    So yes, I went. Mountain rave. Deep house, apparently? Observation field trip. And it was beautiful.

    But here’s the funny part about personal evolution: sometimes you arrive somewhere and realize your soul RSVP’d differently than your curiosity did. Being in a huge crowd with thousands of people all running their own emotional operating systems… let’s just say my nervous system filed a quiet complaint.

    Nothing dramatic. Just a subtle internal message like: “Hi. This environment is… a lot.”

    Luckily, there were sun chairs. Which meant we could spend most of the day sitting, observing, people-watching like a spiritually curious anthropologist. Honestly? That part was delightful.

    The real highlight, though, was when I somehow ended up on a helicopter flying close to the North Face of Eiger and circling around Jungfrau. And before you ask: no, I did not plan that either.

    That’s the thing about hanging out with a spontaneous Aries. They simply wake up one morning and decide gravity and logistics are optional. I admire that quality deeply.

    The flight happened so quickly my brain barely processed it. One moment I was on the ground at a rave, the next I was hovering next to glaciers like a confused mountain fairy. Truly a day.

    But the moment that stayed with me most happened later. Toward sunset, when the music was still going and the crowd was still dancing, I quietly wandered away to a viewpoint. I found a small patch of earth where the snow had melted, sat down near the cliff, and just… watched the sun go down, away from everyone.

    The music echoed softly from the distance. The mountains were glowing, a little Sahara dust in the air. And for the first time that day, my system exhaled.

    That was the moment I felt like myself again. The day itself was wonderful: great energy, great people, beautiful scenery. I felt lucky to experience it.

    But it also taught me something important. My soul has limits now. And sometimes it says no to things that are objectively great. Not because they’re bad. Not because they’re wrong. Just because they’re no longer aligned with my frequency.

    So the next day I did what every sensitive person eventually learns to do after overstimulation: nervous system repair. Quiet. Nature. Slower rhythm. Letting my energy climb back to that sweet, calm place I’ve grown to love.

    Because when my frequency drops too low, my old software sometimes tries to reboot. Overthinking. Restlessness. That familiar mental hamster wheel that believes everything must be solved immediately.

    The difference now is awareness. I can see the pattern appear… and gently close the tab before it takes over the whole browser.

    And that realization led me to something surprisingly freeing: In this phase of my life – where surrender, calmness, balance, and inner peace are kind of the main characters – I simply don’t want to operate from my old frequency anymore.

    Which means some preferences are changing. Where I once loved crowded raves, I might now prefer ecstatic dance or quieter gatherings. Where busy loud bars once felt okay, I might now crave forests and lakes even more than before. Where adrenaline used to be the thrill, now it’s connection and flow.

    And the funny thing is, once you taste that kind of soulful peace, you don’t actually miss the old chaos, at least not at this point in my life. Maybe there will be a point where I will be able to keep the soulful peace in chaos. Right now, I just have the tool to go back to the sweet spot as quickly as I can. 

    You just notice the difference. Alignment feels like breathing clean mountain air after being in a loud room for hours. And once your system recognizes that feeling, it becomes very difficult to pretend you prefer the noise.

    Which, I’ve learned, is completely okay. Change is not betrayal of who you were. Sometimes it’s simply proof that your soul is finally getting a turn to drive.

  • Cities Have Birth Charts

    I realized, after surviving enough emotional plot twists and studying enough nervous systems like they were limited-edition zodiac placements, that I have a new working theory.

    Cities… have birth charts. Stay with me.

    This entire astrological investigation was conducted purely for entertainment and mild emotional dramatization. I am not favoring any cities, cantons, or zodiac signs… even if some of them are clearly more emotionally hydrated than others.

    Because Milan, oh, Milano, is very clearly an emotionally constipated Aquarius woman with a Pisces Moon and Capricorn rising. She is the CEO of emotional suppression whilst looking chic and unbothered. This woman does not process feelings in real time. Absolutely not. She files them. Archives them. Compresses them into a suspicious little emotional ZIP folder and proceeds to give us three weeks of heavy, gloomy, “I’m fine” energy with fully done hair, long nails, and lipstick on.

    Until. Boom. Two days of aggressive rain. And then? Sunshine. Clear skies. Emotional amnesia. She’s back outside in sunglasses acting like nothing happened. I’m sorry. Milano has PMS cycles. I will not be taking questions.

    Meanwhile, Bern… Bern is giving moody Libra man with a Cancer Moon and Scorpio Rising. Respectfully: emotionally confusing, aesthetically charming, unpredictable, unstable, inconsistent, mysterious in a way that you keep discovering new things that make you love him more and more, and delightfully addictive in the best way possible.

    He cannot decide if he is sunny, rainy, windy, or having an existential moment by the Aare. Is he more emotionally regulated than Milano? Yes. Is he still dramatically in his feelings sometimes? Also yes.

    Because when Bern spirals, that river turns brown like the man is processing generational trauma. But then, suddenly, the clouds part, the Jungfrau shows her face, and he hits you with that soft Swiss charm…and you forgive him immediately. Dangerous behavior, honestly. Hard not to love him. 

    Underneath all the moods, he has that unshakeably calming presence, and he knows how to make up for his shortcomings with that delightfully polite charm, patient nature, grounding energy. Seriously, could I have been more in love? I don’t know. 

    Now Thun, sitting a casual 20 minutes away, is the emotionally regulated friend who did therapy and actually applied the homework. Thun is a Virgo woman with a Taurus moon. Stable. Clear. Nervous system moisturized. Weather significantly more cooperative for absolutely no reason other than emotional maturity. We love to see it.

    Fribourg is a Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising, still sensitive, still feeling things deeply, but at least he snacks and grounds himself before spiraling. Looks mature, feels serious. Doesn’t let go easily, whilst Bern is his chill, laid-back twin city.

    Murten? Romantic Pisces with a Taurus Moon and Libra Rising. Fribourg’s balanced, soft, dreamy, marriage material sister. Soft lighting energy. The kind of place that makes you believe in love again against your better judgment.

    As for Zurich and Zug… Cold, efficient Capricorn energy with Aquarius moons and suspicious Leo risings. Respectfully. No further comments at this time.

    Basel reads like a Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Pisces Rising with Mars in Leo, organized but slightly dramatic when provoked.

    Vaud is very clearly Taurus Sun, Capricorn Moon, Sagittarius Rising. Stable but quietly ambitious. Probably owns good furniture. Luxurious taste in castles, wine and cheese, with an indulgence to tobacco plants. 

    Graubünden is so down to earth and away from all this drama that it has to be a very neutral, balanced Earth sign that retired early. Wants peace and quiet and keeps it to himself, except when driving. That’s clearly giving impatient Aries energy. 

    And Valais, the sunniest canton, is a bold Aries man with Leo Rising and Scorpio Moon. Consistent. Strong. Adrenaline addicted. A little too proud, a little too stubborn… Generally in a good mood…but when double fire has a bad day? The weather does not ask permission before becoming cinematic.

    For the record, this is all in good fun. No cities, cantons, or zodiac placements were personally attacked in the making of this theory. If you feel seen… that is between you and your birth chart.