For centuries, women have been choosing everything but themselves. And now, we’re starting to see a shift, women choosing themselves fully, instead of chasing emotions, people, or places outside of them.
It’s a big step. Maybe not something that creates instant, visible change overnight, but it’s a beginning.
Sometimes I think… maybe this is what the Earth has been waiting for. For so long, she’s been in constant giving, constant nurturing. And maybe now, something is rebalancing. Not just within us, but in everything: how we relate to each other, how we relate to the world around us.
Because women were never really taught who they are. Not fully. What we’ve been told, what we’ve been shown for generations, that’s not the whole truth. And now, more and more of us are starting to see that, to question it, to figure out who we actually are underneath all of it.
And that kind of shift doesn’t stay small. It changes everything.
It changes how we date, how we show up in relationships, in marriages, in motherhood, even in the way we work and move through life. There’s this quiet reclaiming happening – of power, of energy, of self. Calling it all back. Learning how to feel whole and safe within ourselves.
And when I say “women,” I don’t mean gender in the strict sense. I’m talking about feminine energy, anyone who carries that more strongly.
All the suppression, the conditioning, the ancestoral programming, the expectations… they’re starting to crack. They don’t hold the same weight anymore.
And honestly… how is that not a huge step in our evolution?
So many of us are focused on purpose, on the mission, on where we’re supposed to end up. Always chasing results, working toward something. It’s a very goal-driven way of living… very masculine coded.
But what if we tried something different?
What if we actually let ourselves enjoy being here?
We’re so used to escaping ourselves. Through distractions, through other people, through constant doing. But what if we slowed down and actually connected with ourselves? Let ourselves be seen, held, heard, accepted… by us. Just being present, without needing anything else.
How often do we really ask who we are, without anyone else’s story mixed into ours?
There’s something in us that wants to be discovered. A natural pull toward wholeness, toward understanding ourselves more deeply. And somehow, us, the creators of your own realities, always find a way to take us there, even if the path isn’t always gentle. Even if, to the conscious mind, it feels messy or painful.
That’s where those emotional breakdowns, those hard moments, come in. As uncomfortable as they are, they push us to see what we’ve been doing to ourselves… and eventually, to choose differently.
We all carry desires that make us human. Some of us feel this strong need to help, to fix, to heal, to be useful. And because of that, it can feel almost unnatural to just exist without a mission.
But what if the mission isn’t something to achieve?
What if it’s simply to enjoy being here without guilt?
We’re infinite in a very limited experience. And part of that experience is learning to accept our desires, to feel, to enjoy what being human actually offers. To accept our bodies, their limits, and still love ourselves deeply, even when we feel like we don’t fully belong anywhere.
Maybe that’s okay.
Maybe we’re not here to constantly chase something, but to create from a place of wholeness instead. To choose ourselves, to move with self-love, and to step out of the loops we’ve been stuck in: the ones that were always there to teach us something in the first place.
And once we actually learn it… we don’t have to stay in them anymore.
Sometimes I still don’t fully believe in this whole other side of life I’ve discovered… even though, deep down, I think I always knew. In some quiet way. But what I ended up experiencing went way beyond anything I could’ve imagined.
All I remember is asking, really asking, to be shown that there was more than this. I was watching The Matrix again during the first Covid lockdown, and I literally begged to be taken out of it. In my head, I thought it would happen like in the movie, a phone call, Morpheus or Trinity showing up to pull me out.
That’s not what happened.
What came instead was the beginning of a long, painful journey.
I found Kundalini Yoga through Carrie-Anne Moss, and it felt like some kind of destiny. I loved Trinity growing up. Honestly, as a straight woman, she was probably the only character I’d ever been “in love” with. I wanted to be her. So when I saw the work she was doing with her online community, it just felt… meant to be.
That year, 2021, I really started going inward.
Then I met someone, and my spiritual path took a sharp turn into Christianity. I got pulled into the structure of it. The rigidity. The right-wing mindset. The control. The whole idea of how a woman should behave: be a good wife, a good mother. I tried to fit into that. I thought I wanted it. My mom kept telling me that wasn’t my path, but I didn’t listen.
Then I met someone else. And that’s when things got… dark. Not immediately, but soon enough.
The nightmares started. Sleep paralysis, night after night. I felt tied to someone on a soul level, but our energies didn’t match at all. I just didn’t want to see it. I went even deeper into Christianity, trying to make sense of everything.
I stopped going out in the sun. I sat in the dark with no lights on. I got pale. My hair got darker. The nightmares didn’t stop. I went through moments that felt like attacks, sometimes where I genuinely didn’t want to be here anymore.
I’d escape to the mountains whenever I could. The cold air calmed me down. But at the same time, there was a part of me that just wanted to disappear completely. Buried under snow. Gone.
I loved the cold because heat made everything worse. It triggered my already overwhelmed nervous system and forced me to feel emotions I didn’t want to feel.
And then I met him.
Things didn’t magically fix, but something started shifting. I slowly – very slowly started moving away from that rigid, perfectionist mindset and started allowing myself to just be. Not fully, I still didn’t know who I was, but it was a start.
My relationship with the sun, the sea, with warmth and summer… it started healing too. I became less judgemental, less negative. A little lighter. He had this energy, like sunshine. Being around him made it hard to stay in the dark.
But I was still unhealed in a lot of ways. I wanted control. I wanted things my way. I didn’t fully understand him, and I didn’t always respect his feelings or perspective. I can admit that now, I was selfish in ways I didn’t see back then.
Before things ended, I made a New Year’s resolution. I remember thinking: I want to be sunshine. I want to flow. Be calm. Flexible. At ease. I don’t want to be rigid. I want to be free.
I had already started working on my attachment issues, but I didn’t realize how much deeper it went: how much of it was rooted in the past, in ancestral patterns, and in my ways of thinking. I noticed that every time I opened up to him about my past, something in me would heal. For that alone, I’m grateful.
When it ended, I remember saying to the universe: “if we’re meant to be, we’ll both heal in ways we didn’t think were possible. We won’t be allowed to forget each other. And our paths will cross again when we’re aligned.”
I forgot I even said that. But looking back now… I got exactly what I asked for… the healing part. Because this was nothing like I thought was possible.
After it ended, I went even deeper into myself. I took all the love I had for him and started pouring it back into me.
Then something unexpected happened and I woke up.
Out of nowhere, I started knowing things I had never known before. I began to understand what the “Matrix” actually is, not in a literal sense, but energetically, mentally. I started learning about energy, consciousness, what exists beyond what we can see.
Something inside me activated. It started clearing things out: blockages, layers. It felt like it happened in stages. First clearing, then deeper clearing, and eventually… everything opening up in a way I can’t fully explain. It felt like I was completing karmic lessons I came here to learn.
I faced my patterns, really faced them. It wasn’t pretty. It was uncomfortable as hell.
I had dreams, visions, physical sensations that made no sense to the logical mind. And through all of it, I started understanding what this journey was really about: Inner Union.
Balancing the energies within. Becoming calm. Becoming peace. Realizing that I am love, and so is everyone else. Understanding energy, frequency. Learning how to quiet my overthinking mind. Letting go of control. Surrendering to my own path instead of trying to force different outcomes with my thoughts and emotions.
My emotions became less intense. I felt more stable. More aware. I could see how my energy, my thoughts, my state, everything, was shaping my reality.
Ironically, I gained control by letting go of it.
My mind is more disciplined now. I don’t feed every thought anymore. I used to create full-on scenarios in my head like little movies with people I know. Now, when my mind starts doing that, I catch it and shift my focus.
There were moments where everything felt so heavy, like I was stuck in a fever dream I couldn’t wake up from. But each time an illusion broke, each time I let go of an expectation, I woke up a little more… until eventually, I let it all go.
The stories. The attachments. The past. The future. Parts of my identity.
Now I feel lighter. I feel like I’m flowing with myself instead of fighting myself. I dance. I sing. I do things because I want to, not for anyone else. I feel free.
There’s a balance in me now. The feminine part of me feels safe enough to open, to soften, to just be. And the masculine part of me: he’s grounded, steady, he is not running. He holds that safety so she can exist fully. And there is so much love between them.
Last night, I felt something I hadn’t felt before.
I felt safe. Completely safe. The kind of safe I used to only feel in his arms. I never thought I’d feel that on my own. But I did.
My body was calm. My nervous system relaxed. I felt at home… with myself. Just like I felt when I was around him…
And that changed everything.
Because I used to chase that feeling when I didn’t have it (aka in long distance, or more like whenever I was not around him.) I had already started giving it to myself… but reaching the stage where it felt like exactly like that feeling I was chasing… only happened recently.
That’s what made all of this worth it.
I love myself now. I make myself feel safe. Both sides of me: my masculine and feminine, feel seen, held, and at peace within me. And my inner child too, of course.
And for the first time, my feminine energy didn’t want to leave. She stayed. She felt at home here.
That’s new for me. That’s big. Because for someone like me who prefers having out of body experiences and easily access those states… staying inside my body was always… veryuncomfortable, until last night.
And this is what people mean when they talk about Inner Union.
A part of me still feels like he reflected my inner masculine back to me in physical form, or at least that’s where I started loving myself from. That’s why it felt so safe, so familiar, like home. But now that I’ve embodied that within myself… it’s like being in a deeply safe, loving relationship, just with myself.
And honestly?
That might be one of the most important things I’ve ever found, and I wouldn’t have changed a thing now that I have this.
And I’m going to enjoy being in a healthy relationship with myself. This stage of feeling safe, at home, joyful, happy and in love with myself. Because honestly? I frigging deserved this.
There came a point in my life where I finally let go. After all the purging, the emotional waves, releasing the past and everything my old selves had carried… I reached a kind of inner peace. A quiet place where I could just enjoy my own energy, without needing distractions. I started noticing when I was giving too much of myself away, and learning how to pull that energy back. Setting boundaries, not just physically, but energetically too. And honestly, that feels really good.
There’s a calmness in that space that nothing and no one else has ever been able to give me. And it made me realize how much of my life I spent searching for that feeling outside of myself, when it was always there.
Getting here wasn’t easy. I resisted it. I ran from myself. I avoided facing things… until I couldn’t anymore.
At some point, the illusions just fell apart. My heart opened, but for it to open, the pain had to move through me first. We hold onto so much in this life, without even realizing it. And the more we let go, the lighter we become.
Somewhere along the way, I met someone who really valued his peace. At the time, I couldn’t even wrap my head around that. I didn’t understand it, because I had never actually felt it myself. Now I do.
It’s kind of funny, if someone had told me two years ago that I’d be here, I wouldn’t have believed them. Not even a little. I held onto that old version of myself for so long. Letting her go was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I loved her. She felt everything so deeply. She tried to control things, yes, but she was also warm, nurturing, and full of love. Soft. A little naive, maybe, but real.
And somehow, in letting her go, I found myself again. A version of me that feels more aligned. More… true.
One thing I’ve learned is that this isn’t a straight line. You don’t just “arrive” and stay there forever. You reach a certain place, then life brings something new, and you step back a little, learn more, and grow again. It’s a cycle. Over and over, but each time with more awareness.
The quieter your mind becomes, the closer you feel to yourself. And that overthinking voice, it doesn’t need your attention all the time. Not every thought deserves your energy. You can notice it, stop the thoughts, be comfortable with the mental silence, and come back to your center. That takes practice. Discipline, even. But it changes everything.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
Because that’s where flow begins. When you stop trying to control everything, stop forcing outcomes, stop overthinking every possibility. When you let life move, instead of constantly trying to direct it.
Without creating alternative roads in our path with the power of our thoughts and emotions, surrender happens.
Letting go of how you think things should look. Letting go of the need to control. Coming back to yourself: your core, your truth.
And maybe the real work is learning to trust that. Trust where you are, and where you’re being led, without needing to map out every step. Trusting the path your soul chose before you came here.
Staying present. Again and again. Calm, peace, zen, being the love and light we are.
Good Feelings Club 